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Archive for the ‘autism’ Category

NO LABELS FOR DIVORCE PLEASE!

Eight years ago I divorced without a lawyer. To ease the difficulties  I used energy psychology tools which really helped. Because there were 3 children involved, there was a mandatory 3 hour mediation session. A very nice and capable woman, also psychologist, showed up and we all were pleased how the session went. A little while ago I bumped into her at a party and I said: “You know, everything turned out so well, my ex and I have a very cordial relationship  and the children are doing great and do not have any significant emotional scars or issues as a result from the divorce whatsoever.”  She paused, and looked deep into my eyes and said “Carla,… they ALWAYS get scarred by divorce”. I answered “No , that is called LIFE!”
Difficult life experiences  are opportunities for growth and  learning  that enrich and strengthen us. These experiences shape us to be better people. We can choose to heal that victim feeling.
The tendency to label every issue as a disorder or disease bothers me. The DSM V (Diagnostic Statistic Manual)  is thicker than ever. I totally don’t deny there are many real mental diseases, of course there are.

However, identifying everything with labels free the path to take a pill instead of looking for other solutions. It makes you victim of a situation.
It degrades human capacity to overcome life-events. It becomes: “My depression” (you own it!)  instead of: “I’m having feelings of depression and I’m going to work on it.”
I AM depressed” and “MY depression” is telling your subconscious  that that is who you are. It’s keeping you stuck. The conscious and subconscious mind influence our state of well-being. It is better to say: “I have feelings of depression and I am getting better and better everyday.” “I am willing to find any possible way to feel happier”.

In my bereavement group where people face at the end of their lives severe loss of a lifelong partner, a situation where it is not easy to find new purpose and hope, often they refuse any psychotropic drugs and say: “I have to live with it. I am working on it”. I am often very impressed with the personal strength and courage that is showing up. Some open up to spiritual viewpoints they hadn’t done fore a lifetime. They focus on gratitude, on blessings, on taking steps to make new friends. They feel that medication is dis-empowering them. And think about it, medication numbs your feelings, but also compassion and conscience! Practicing compassion for self and others is a helpful tool to feel better and doesn’t work with heavily medicated people.
happy woman 3A label  shows just a small part of who we are.

Feeling depressed is an opportunity to step into ones power, and be the CAUSE instead of the EFFECT.  Of course some depressions require medication. But hearing how many Americans talk, the advertisements on TV,  I can’t help but compare with Europe, where people rarely use medication for simple mental issues.
To get to a better place means to choose different thoughts. In addition to that, (thinking positive is never wrong!) it is also important to check if there are no transferred generational traumas that play a part. A depression can belong to the suffering of (one of) your ancestors. Energy Psychology, Family Constellations offer such effective ways to obtain information from what is stored in our sub-conscious, and often create the shift and release. Want to know more? You can do it privately, schedule a session  or join us at our Next workshop!

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Do you worry?

 

  • Are you willing to stop worrying about what the world wants from you and willing to make it your job and your life purpose to fully live, love and feel every precious moment of your life? (Not easy, right?)
  • Did you ever realize that “worrying” is a HABIT, most often inherited from your family? Imagine, your ancestors might have experienced extreme violence, even for centuries. Then they moved to the USA to be free. Today your family lives in a relatively safe situation. But the habit of worrying can still exist. Even if there’s nothing to worry about.
  • Do you realize that by living in  FEAR  your stamina gets low, your immune system is negatively effected and your serotonin productivity is inhibited?happy woman 3

If you are one of those “worriers”, here are some tips. Challenge yourself with questions. “Is it really necessary to worry about this?” “What am I achieving by doing so?” “How would I feel if I would let go of all those thoughts that don’t serve me but stress me out?”
Rebuild TRUST. In our science based way of thinking, TRUST is a vague energy that we cannot “prove”. Only with metaphysical concepts can this be understood.
But most of us KNOW that TRUST is FELT. It is a feeling, an energy that makes us thrive. A relationship without TRUST is over. Or at least the positive part of it is. Without TRUST in our abilities we cannot thrive. And actually one of the most effective and simple phrases that soothes fear for all ages and in many situations, is “ALL IS WELL”.
These 3 words help to calm the energy around and within you. When in fear, don’t take action. Clear your thoughts, and choose deliberately other thoughts. Empower yourself!

Trusting all is well within your world,

Adoption and then what…

It seems so easy. You are pregnant, you cannot keep or don’t want the +baby, and several people (who have a monetary or other interests) are suggesting or pressuring you to give up the baby for adoption ‘because there are wonderful parents waiting to give your child a great life’. Really? For sure, there ARE wonderful parents who are adopting children that need a home. No bad word about that! Often those kids are filling a hole in the childless marriages of those people. All that love and care they recieve from those parents is a GREAT gift.

However, babies are grown in the whom of their own mother. And giving away by birth is a deep felt Trauma with life-long consequences, with often a theme of BONDING issues and a doubtful SELF-ESTEEM. Poor birth mothers who have been forced to give their babies away, they are traumatized for life.
A baby is not a THING. A baby is a human that doesnt speak but does feel, experiences and is totally aware. Babies are part of a family, they belong to the bigger picture of a family soul: an energy field that contains genes and epigenetics; the collection of experiences in the lives of +ancestors. Clinical Psychology could prove it so well: yes, trauma’s of past generations, at least 3, are stored in the Limbic brain. And the characteristic of traumas, epigenetics, are that they influence your life if they are not healed. Jewish toddlers in Europe, that have been given away to strangers to rescue them from being deported to concentration camps show often, as do their children, disturbances in bonding and relationships..
Negative thoughts and opinions stored in the mind of Adoptive-parents about the biological+Parents can create lifelong bonding issues for the child, who HEARD and FELT those opinions. An unconscious made choice can result in staying loyal on a deep level to their birth mother/parents or staying angry towards them for the rest of their entire life, OR are so loyal to the adoptive parent that a deep resentment to their own family of origen is a result.

Children are not for sale. Also, happiness is not for sale. The greatness of adopting a child that is in need for care is a beautiful, beautiful deed, often really lifesaving, however complicated as well.
A Non-judgmental and respectful attitude to the birth parents, regardless their situation as a result of how life treated them, and a loving attitude for each involved is imperative for the child’s well being and are extremely important ingredients.
Adoption is an act of extremities: powerful loving care vs deep powerless loss.
Impressive healing is often witnessed in a Family Constellation, bringing peace and balance back in the families, in the birth as well in the adoptive families.

http://www.carlavanwalsum.com http://www.lifeshidddentruths.com

Love??? Joy???

I have seen several clients this week, beautiful, insightful conscious people who want to make the best out of their lives. Many spent tremendously much energy and effort in ‘deleting’ out of their system the hurt caused by others. Nasty remarks, selfish actions, senseless judgments, all stuff that we dont need and is put for free, uninvited on our plates. The negative energy as a result is tremendous for the receivers. Hurting others, the effect of a “closed”heart, not understanding what you are doing to others and feeling threatened by the world, seeing danger everywhere and most of all feeling a victim of live and circumstances, needs to be released. Yay! Send fear away, out of your life!
Do we expect too much from others? Some people think that the answer to prevent disappointment is to let go of any expectations. That feels kind of empty too. Replace it by:”” I am opening up for the best experiences, in whatever way, shape or form they appear.””Feels kind of relaxed, right? Any experience might hold a truth and lesson, you do not necessarily see or recognize that right away. The lesson can also be that you need to turn away from those who harm too much. They make their choices, consciously or not, allow them to be who they are, and so do you allow yourself to be who you are and to choose what makes you feel good!!!
Those””‘naggies” are often characterized as black & white opinionated ones. To have strong opinions create kind of safety and is also perceived as ‘strength’, by the opinionated ones of course. However, wisdom is hidden behind the doubt. Though, not-knowing, having doubts is often perceived as insecure. So, having strong opinions, should keep the fear out-of-the-way! That is NOT true! Being a seeker is the path to go in order to discover other ways and truths, and to move forward. So, when your focus is elsewhere, (and you lose your energy to the ”naggies”)  and not on finding LOVE and JOY, you will find everything else but… Send positive energy to those that don’t bring love and joy into your life and set forward the intention to meet loving, caring compassionate people. You deserve the best, so choose love finders. EnJOY your day!
http://www.carlavanwalsum.com

Tap into your incredible innate capacity to heal circumstances, relationships and difficult life situations!

Epigenetics: Clinical psychology research has shown that traumas are stored in the limbic brain for at least 3 generations. Thoughts are energy, sub-and unconscious(ness) are energy fields. Traumas are stored there as all the collected data of the past, and are energetic substances that impact our lives and our happiness/wellbeing today. In order to really thriving and living your full potential, recognizing and healing/releasing trauma’s is imperative. Troublesome relationships can be a sign of trauma’s in the family-energy field. Angry father-angry son. Sad mother-sad daughter, signs of generational transmission. War is often a big indicator. Unexplainable inadequacy of being able to love unconditionally, behavior of addiction, depression, anger, neuroticism etc., it is in these area’s my work can help you. By only identifying and fighting the symptom, we miss out on the bigger picture that contains much Hidden Truths. Heal your heart, you heal your life. Change your thinking you change your future!
Often a few sessions are sufficient to make a change.

As Einstein said: Everything IS Energy!

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Only you are responsible for:

YOUR own happiness! Many know this statement, and yes, they agree. However: if I ask the next question: and how do you DO that? A big silence follows…
It is here where the model of Crystal Clear Communication ( Non-violent) is a great to tool to use. No, we will never find someone who will make us happy 24/7. Would be nice, right… So, we need to own everything. If we get crazy because our kids are fighting, it s not because they are doing difficult: no, it s because our needs of harmony and peace at home or in the CAR are not met. As much as we despite it, people, also kids, have the right to be authentic, and sometimes that includes having a ad mood or temper. Giving ourselves compassion, and them to, can help a lot. You can act violently by threatening , punishing or whatever, well, if they get scared enough, a change might occur. However, the CAUSE is unaddressed. People seem to be the happiest birds, if they feel understood. By themselves, and then by others. Following rules keeps order, but blocks connection from heart to heart.

Heartbased Solutions, LLC Carlavanwalsum.com

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Balance…Do we need it?

Think about it, everything is built up on the concept of ‘balancing’.You don’t like arrogant, snobby people? Well, the other end of the stick is insecurity…Deep down the ‘arrogants’ are missing out on a profound being at peace with them selves or with life. So, there is no balance… In the middle of the stick you’ll find self-confidence and contentedness with self and the world.  Arrogance and insecurity are absence.
A client in one of my couple counseling sessions lately, told me he felt insecure about many things and his wife told him often, while loving him much and very awakened on top of that, what was wrong about him, how childish he was and lacking perseverance. The poor guy could do 2 things ; to become angry and letting his frustration out, than people would say; ‘Ohhh, he has anger issues, ‘ or turning it to himself and becoming self destructive. Cutting. Alcoholism. Feelings of depression. He blamed himself for the dominant behavior of his wife, such a strong vibrant person. Well, again balance is at stake. She is strong and attacking and believing SHE was right…, he smaller and defending himself…One of the best way to quit with those dynamics is learning the Crystal Clear Communication model (NVC). Only observation, clear!, no hidden judgments, attacks, analysis, comparison and so on. Judgment kills the love. We are responsible for our own happiness. many know that one. But HOW do you do that? By not putting ourselves up as BETTER then our partner. By focusing on our needs , respecting those and the needs from the other as well! Sacrificing yourself for the other and then later to blame that one that you couldn’t do what you choose to, is not doing any good.either. It is totally appropriate to honor you own feelings and needs. Which is something else then to become selfish or self centered…Inner peace, heart-fulness? is a natural state as a result of balance… A wonderful tool to discover hidden truths in relationships and you name it is Family Constellation work. www.lifeshiddentruths.com  carlavanwalsum.com

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