AUTISM?

This morning the Rabbi from Bnai Torah in Boca, in his sermon shared  about  a boy  who is at the very extreme end of the Autistic spectrum.. He just had his Bar Mitzvah at the age of 16. This boy never spoke a word and when he tried to express himself, strange sounds came out of his mouth which was  the energy of his intentions and thoughts. How captured can one be, never to be able to fully express and have your feelings heard?  The mother dedicated her life to the wellbeing of the boy. Computer technology offered a tremendous change; he learned to express himself on the soundboard. The first sentence he wrote: “I love you Mom”. The second:” I miss you Dad.” ( His father passed). These sentences moved me deeply, knowing from nearby  the lonely place where autistic people can be. How much love they need, compassion and understanding from their environment, and how hard it can be for some of them to GIVE love. My own sister, who passed a few months ago, never spoke a word either. The computer program didnt work for her. She seemingly chose to be at that place of loneliness, living in her own world, often very sad and unhappy. One of her deepest issues, she was never ever able to discuss and nobody could ever change that self talk in her head, was the doubt if she was worthy of being loved. Lovable.That must be a terrible thought to live with, and why did she have that thought so clearly? From what place did that originate? Yes, she could hear, but she closed her self totally. Classical music, therapeutically Mozart, she turned it always off. We as a family  did love her very much and expressed that often to her. That  sometimes  changed  her mood into a happy one. She  never gave any affection. Her dolls she was playing with together with me who came one and a half year after her, she was carrying like bread under her arm, head down. As a little girl it freaked me out..No physical touch has been ever appreciated by my sister…What I did learn from being with her was compassion. The guilt I felt for having my own “normal” life, was huge.  The loneliness my mother must have felt, soon after WW II in Holland, having a first born child like my sister and then to hear it was supposedly her fault, so was  told her by her doctors..  This carries a huge message. Dont judge, don’t think you know it all, be compassionate and stay humble in whatever great place you might be. Things are often not quite as they seemed to be.

The greatness of my parents who took care of  my sister to her last breath when she died from cancer, was reflected in my sister. The last months of her life, every night she hurried to step in my parents bed before they were coming, in order  to sleep between them, as a baby. The only moments in her life she clearly  showed in her way that she needed others.

To stay married?

Something is not comfortable in your marriage but you’re not sure what to do. The problem is not about how to ‘save a marriage’, it’s about how to save yourself. When fear influences your decision to get married too quickly, sooner or later you may discover that it would have been better to wait for the ‘right one’ to come along. How and when do you know it is the right one? It’s a knowing you feel deep in your heart. Remember, there are many soul-mates you can meet during your lifetime. They appear as potential partners, children, parents, friends or colleagues. The more open our heart’s are, the more easily we will be led to the right place. In doubt? STOP! Regroup, decide to resolve any thoughts of fear you have before any step is taken.
And when you if you find yourself at that spot of unhappiness, insecurity and or un-fulfillment, then there are many ways to evolve and grow to get where you want to be.
You may feel you have no choice but to get a divorce, however there may be another way. Imagine you have the ability to recreate and deepen your existing relationship; any misery can be an opportunity for growth! Be ready to say: I am grateful that I was so unhappy. It changed my life for the best

Teaching Children compassion..

 If the world would suddenly be a compassionate one, how different would it be…
 
The strongest desire most parents have for their children is that they will be successful in life. The true understanding of success lies in who we are, not in what we do. Finding life’s purpose and doing what makes you really happy, automatically connects you to the essence of your being, your spirit, and your source. To integrate our spirit with an unconditionally loving, trust based, energy force in our mind, heart and belief system, allows clear choices to emerge and prosperity to abound in all life’s area’s. In a world where so much confusion and anger/ violence is present, vital answers can be found in the roll of conscious parenting. It is a blessing for a child to have parents to look up to, who respect the child for who (s)he is. Give respect, thou shall receive the same…make corrections with love, firm and clear, and the safety of boundaries is felt.
It is also a blessing to recieve compassion, as a way to learn to be compassionate. To create awareness about compassion is by being non-judgmental about others.  Wright and wrong statements are not loving, and certainly not compassionate. To learn to respect, to understand and to embrace our differences we learn to enjoy the variety of mankind. That is empowering children ( and adults!) and encouraging  them to bring the best out of themselves. Yes, that is part of a compassionate personailty!
The world as we know it, has always been violent in many ways. Today we have more awareness of that violence as a result of the easy exchange of information and broadcasting. Our tasks, intentions and focus must be on deliberately and intentionally creating a world where our children feel safe , cherished, supported and happy.  In the meantime , that is a great way to learn about compassion.
This is part of Carla Van Walsums very successful  ‘Happy Children, Happy Home Workshops ©’ and ‘The 7 Essentials for a Happy Family.’
 
Start now in February and March in:  the Red Tent, Delray Beach and Delmar Arts Academy in Ft Lauderdale. (Early birds reduction)
Carla Van Walsum  Ph.D LSHC is the owner of Transpersonal Counseling, LLC:  a Holistic Practice for Couples,  Families and Children. She works with groups and private sessions

’Alicia’, a Systemic Family Constellation

‘Alicia’

“ I love my husband” said Alicia while looking at me, her big dark eyes showing some uncertainty. “But I cannot commit myself fully. I always feel doubt, something is missing. I love our 2 kids, I do not want a divorce either. And now I found the perfect answer, but not the solution. “That means?” I asked. ”Well, I fell in love with another man.”.
Alicia had come ‘to set up a constellation’ in order to get more insight about herself. “Ok, I have enough information” I said.
“Ask someone to represent you, your father and your mother.” “Not my husband??” “No, not yet”.
She chose a few people from the audience, moved them to a specific spot in the room, in the so called ‘morpho genetic field’, and, voila! there the picture was revealed.

In this constellation the represented father was placed three yards away from Alicia’s representative, (in the middle of the field) and looks very happy and proudly at her.
‘Alicia’ (the rep) looks back. The mother, as set up by the client, is set up as if in the corner of a triangle, she turns her back to her husband and looks away from them. She peaks a little bit in the direction of ’Alicia’.
’Are your parents divorced?’ “No. But they don’t have a great relationship either”, client Alicia said.
”That is obvious.” A big gap between a couple physically, symbolically means that there is a big emotional distance as well. “Your mom would like to leave the family?” “Yes, that makes sense.”
“Follow your inner movements” I said to the 3 representatives. The father approaches Alicia, very closely, the mother moves a little more to the side. ”What’s going on?” I ask the ‘father’. “I want to go to her, I feel so proud of her” and he points toward ‘Alicia’. “Yes. What about your wife?” “I don’t have feelings for her. I see only my daughter.” “And what are you feeling?” I ask the ‘mother.’ She replies, “I don’t belong, I love my daughter, but she is not seeing me at all. I don’t care for my husband at all.”
The real Alicia, who’s observing, starts to cry.
The constellation continues and shows a typical case of ‘non-physical’ incest, that the daughter takes the place of the mother. Of course this pattern can also exist with mother/ sons. In a difficult, loveless marriage without a possibility to choose a divorce, parents can project their feelings and needs on their children. The strong symbiosis changes in another pattern.

In order to free Alicia she will take the place on the floor where her representative stood and will say healing sentences that work deeply into the soul, and the so called’ family-soul’, even though her father is not really present.
She will repeat after me: “I am small, you are big”, “I am your daughter, not your wife”, “Allow me my own life and marriage.” “Thank you for being my father”, I honor you for being my father.”, “You gave me life.”, “That was enough.”, “I have my own life, and I am free to be with my own husband.” “ I let go off all feelings concerning guilt.”
When these kind of sentences are spoken, a profound feeling is in the group noticeable.. It is amazing that people can temporarily take over someone’s feelings even though they are not even present. The accuracy of the interactions and emotions expressed astounds many clients especially when they are participating in their own story. After the constellation is over, those feelings dissipate from all of the representatives immediately.
After the session a different Alicia is visible, every one is able to notice a shift. Experiences learn that this shifts work on several levels, and last. Alicia told me a few months later that things really changed for her. The need for ‘escape’ was gone…

Many, many different topics or secrets could be resolved with this energetic healing work. It shows also that we have less free will than we actually believe we do.
The family-soul has its wounds and secrets that work their way through to many future generations, when not healed. The children, by being so loyal, often take over what does not belong to them. “I take it instead of you” or “I leave instead of you ”. With these types of entanglements, love cannot flow, it can disturb our lives and manifest in the form of sudden illnesses or accidents, depression, physical or mental illness, persistent relationships conflicts and dysfunction. Constellation is also used with businesses and organizations.
Einstein said it: Everything is Energy…

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For more info & testimonials: www.carlavanwalsum.com

“I’ve never met you…” Feeling the presence of absence. A Holocaust story in the perspective of Systemic Family Constellations

Boca Systemic Family  Constellations, Relationships Resolutions, Coaching & Counseling, Emotional Healing, Effective( Non-violent) Communication

www.LifesHiddenTruths.com

“I‘ve never met you….” When the absence of presence is felt..
A Holocaust history in Constellation perspective

When, because of war or other disasters, many family members are killed or perished,  surviving members can often ‘feel’ their absence even though they have never met. Family Constellations show that identification can occur with one or more dead family members quite unexpectedly. We are all part of a so called ‘Family-Soul’; an intelligence which encompasses the evolution and nature of the family over the generations.
Those who belong to a particular Family Soul are the children, parents and their siblings, grandparents, great grandparents and so on, including anyone who has been excluded from this family system (i.e. rejected members who were called ’bad’, former spouses, stillborn and aborted children).When we bring them back into the system by acknowledging and honoring them, we see that Constellations are a very effective way to restore harmony in any family. Sometimes, family members who haven’t talked to each other for years suddenly call soon after a constellation.
Also, constellations can provide clarity and healing for a tremendous variety of issues in only a few minutes.

She looks at me, a bit insecurely. “I don’t know if this makes any sense to you.”
“Well, try!” I say.
Michal sighs deeply and begins to talk.” I have a strange feeling that all of the people in my family who died in the Holocaust have an influence on me today. I often feel depressed, and I don’t know why. My mother’s sister was killed in the Holocaust along with her 5 children, and another sister died in an accident when she was a kid. I am named after my grandmother, who perished too. The story in my family is that she was a great, wonderful person. I actually would like to look more closely into that side of my family.”

When Family Constellations begin, we start by setting up the family of origin. The client will choose people from the audience to represent their family members. They have no previous information about the client, and are requested to participate with ‘absolutely blank minds’ creating a ‘morpho-energetic-field.’ The miracle is that doors are opened to a hidden dimension of inner images and unspoken statements. Over and over again, Constellations consistently reveal profound and lasting benefits for the participants and loved ones. Surprisingly enough, the healing processes takes place on the soul-level, yet the results show in people, even when they are not present.

“Choose representatives for you, your grandmother, the aunt with five children, and the aunt who died in an accident, as well as your grandmother”

Michal puts the aunt with her children very close together. They all look down. When the grandmother is set up in front of her daughter, she becomes very unstable, her body convulses as if she is crying silently.
“Go to your daughter and all of your grandchildren and touch them, one by one.Michal,you do the same” I say. They all embrace each other in silence. “Now take your granddaughter by the hand and bow to your relatives, both of you, in front of all of them, with one bow.”
The grandmother hesitates. “One deep bow. You start…” (to grandmother). Grandmother and Michal bow deeply and slowly. The room becomes very tensed. “Now Michal, look at them and tell them ‘I am one of you’.” Michal does. “Look at them. Now straighten up, look at them very clearly, and say: ‘I’ll carry on’.” Michal is hesitating. “Say it. Look them in their eyes and say: ‘I’ll carry on’.” Michal, deeply moved, whispers: ”I’ll continue to live.”
I ask Michal to repeat after me, “I’ll carry on in memory of you. Your death was not in vain.” Michal does n’t move, looks down and shakes her head. ”Tell them, look at them: ‘I’ll carry on’.” Michal shakes her head, no.
I approach the aunt, “Tell her- It is enough that we are dead.”

The aunt smiles suddenly. “It is enough that we are dead.” Michal covers her face and smiles. “Now, say it again, ‘I’ll carry on…I’ll carry on in remembrance of you, it’s enough that you are dead’.
“Look at your grandmother and say: ‘I’ll carry on’.” Michal does so. I ask the grandmother: “Do you want to tell her something?”
Grandmother whispers: “No”. To Michal: “Now stand with your back leaning against your aunt and look forward.”
“Do you have children?” Michal nods, smiles. “How many do you have?” “Five…”
”Now look at your relatives, and tell them I have five children.
Michal whispers:.. “I have also 5 children…”

The 5 children of the aunt smile. “Now turn around again, I’ll put five representatives for your children, and place them opposite you.
“Michal, tell your children “We’ll carry on with life”. Michal covers her eyes, laughing and crying at once…
”Now, go to your children”
I asked the audience if they can see how (the representatives of) the dead are changed after this, how the energy shifted. “That is  very important what we  see here.  The dead participate in the lives of the living, but only when they are seen and remembered. “

The audience appears very moved.. a genuine touch was felt..After a Constellation the representatives automatically immediately release all that does not belong to them, what they temporary took on in order to make the invisible visible…

The family-soul has its wounds and secrets that work their way through to many future generations, when not healed. The chil­dren, by being so loyal, often take over what does not belong to them. “I take it instead of you” or “I leave instead of you ”. With these types of entanglements, love cannot flow, it can disturb our lives and manifest in the form of sudden illnesses or accidents, depression, physical or mental illness, persistent relationships conflicts and dysfunction. Constellation is also used with different phenomenons and organizations.

Carla has been trained / certified with Dr Bert Hellinger in Europe, Academy for Eclectic Psychotherapy and with the Boston Constellation Approach. She has facilitated numerous constellations with groups and utilizes this work also in her private practice frequently 1 on 1, with adults and with children.