It's all about Relationships…

With his grandmother, 9 Year old Jimmy came for a session to my office.  I was the last therapist to try before they would put Jimmy on medication for ADHD and hyperactivity. Grandma was the caretaker for Jimmy and his sister because their parents were divorced and unable to take care of their children. Grandma spoke very negatively about her ex-daughter in law. “She‘s a horrible mother, a drug addict. She’s not even paying child-support.”  Jimmy looked away while she spoke. For me the task was to elicit some empathy from grandmother for Jimmy’s mother, who was seemingly immersed in her own problems. Being addicted to drugs never occurs because of happy reasons. Grandma was not open to hear any other vision than her own.
I asked Jimmy to “map his family” with colored footprints he would choose from, and to put them in the open space on the floor that we call “the field”. Spontaneously he put the footprints wherever he felt like. He chose a pair of footprints for himself, his mother, father, sister and grand- parents. We added the dog too.  I asked Jimmy  to put shapes that are representing feelings next to the footprints , where ever he would feel comfortable .  Those feelings would then  be seen as belonging to the footprints of that person. Jimmy put next to everyone  “love” but not for himself. He put “sadness” to his mother’s footprints and also to his own. He put “anger” next to his father’s prints.
The mapping shows the inner picture of how Jimmy perceives his family and ultimately his world. He was obviously feeling lonely, disconnected from his parents, but supported by grandparents, and had no love for himself (!).
The way he positioned his own feet showed a deep longing for his mother. It became clear how he was connected to his mother, which was with sadness and pain. He peeked from the corners of his eyes to his grandmother, almost afraid of what she would think from all this and he saw that she was tearing up. This picture made her realize that it is detrimental for the boy when she speaks negatively about his mother. His feelings need to be respected. Even a troubled mother wants to be loved by the child, and deserves respect for wherever and whatever she is going through.  Most importantly, regardless of the situation, the child will love his mother. The child needs to have positive feelings about his parents., which can be very difficult and conflicting. Tearing natural family ties apart can cause restlessness and depression. It is our judging that can hurt others so much.  One session seemed to be enough to have Jimmy‘s behavior change.  The need for medication was gone.


The green footprints are from Jimmy, yellow and blue the grandparents, dark pink the dad (left corner beneath), yellow in the upper left corner; the mom. The pink circles symbolize “love”, the purple circles “sadness”. Red square: anger

 

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DID YOU KNOW?

What makes you feel better? When you give to or receive from others? If you feel uncomfortable receiving from others, voila! That is a red flag. Most of us are raised in a belief-system that validates “givers” much more than “receivers”, regardless if its about love and care or money.
This is ironic because if nobody is able to receive, the givers are deprived from feeling good. Bottom line: if we validate “receiving” so much less, than we make the receiver feel less worthy, possibly guilty, or even helpless. Some people give in order to receive appreciation and validation. The question here is, is this giving from the heart or filling an emptiness… im Balance
Most of my clients score very high on the enjoyment of “giving” and quite low on “receiving”. Writing the check for rent or mortgage is for many givers a hard thing to do. That is very meaningful!
At the other end of the spectrum are the ones who love to receive and do not give so much. Usually, those do not have the happiest relationships…
Yes, there needs to be a balance. Giving and receiving must be equal. The happiest and most successful people score high in both, whether it is with love, care, or money.
Interestingly enough, it is not only our personality or upbringing that
determines how we function but our collective conscious and our family consciousness also play an important role. Patterns are trans-generational on a conscious or subconsciousness level. Today, many women live their passions and dreams in life and work. If “giving and receiving” is not in balance, forget about being successful. balance
Would like to know more and change how conscious and sub-conscious patterns, epigenetics, trans-generational heritage influence our lives, work and relationships today?
Then join us and sign up for this workshop now:
“Create Harmony in Your Life and Family”

A DEADLY HABIT IN…

anger in rel.

Success-Acceleration!

This workshop is for everyone at any level of success who just wants to manifest more

Almost everybody wants to be successful. Success is actually a concept that encompasses all areas of life. However, if you ask 10 people what success means to them you’ll get 10 totally different answers.

According to Wikipedia success is:

  • Attainment of higher social status
  • Achievement of a goal, for example academic success
  • The opposite of failure

How simplistic is that! Those answers are a little superficial and mainly extrinsic. Yes, you can achieve a higher social status, that’s usually the result of academic and financial success.  What is this success? How others value and look at you?  Do they love you more for who you are?

Who cares what your neighbors think anyway? Unfortunately, yes, many do care and those thoughts keep them from being successful in some other areas of life. The root cause is that they are depending on approval of others.

I believe that feeling truly successful is something that you FEEL inside and is connected to joy, empowerment and gratitude. Your happy family, the love and appreciation you receive in your life, your connection to your calling and serving to others, your health, your great friendships are all signs of success of who YOU are.  Yes, that means following your passion, following your dreams. That can be a little scary too, because most of our ancestors couldn’t do that. Untitled

Academic success is highly validated, because we adore the brain and many still believe that knowledge is power.  But there is more to say about success. Why shouldn’t a plumber who’s doing such important work, not feel very successful if he fixes difficult issues?  What would you do without him? Didn’t Einstein say: “A true sign of intelligence is not knowledge but imagination?” Voila, if you understand this concept and work it out as required you can draw your success towards you. Visualize your dreams, make them vivid and learn how to realize them.

Metaphysical wisdom tells us that “failures” don’t exist, only lessons, opportunities to learn and grow. Feeling that you are  a  failure is very sad. It means you are not aligned with your goals and don’t know how to manifest them. You see, it are your own thoughts who tell you that you are a failure (if you do). Of course, many parents were champions in projecting their wishes onto their children. If their goals with you weren’t met… you might still feel guilty to not have satisfied your parents. Honestly, you only owe success to your authentic self. It is such a relative concept. The essence is how YOU feel about yourself, your self-esteem, your validation and self-love. Whatever level you are, enjoy the ride, observe and appreciate your successes and the more successful you feel and act positively, the more success you will attract to yourself.

Success exists on all levels, but unseen and unknown elements in the sub consciousness can inhibit true manifestation.

This experiential workshop is about insights, clarity and getting even more in the flow.

A workshop for everyone at any level of success who just wants to manifest more

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“Appreciation of our diversity”, I wish that would be a class in school. It would prepare us at least partially for our future relationships with ourselves and with others. Competition divides us and is a killer for friendships and relationships. The trend to look at “winners and losers” by validating the “winner” much more than the “loser” doesn’t teach our children compassion or respect. That is quite contradicting to the call or request for respect which is so often expressed. In intimate relationships and with parenting styles criticism, comparison and judgment of behavior – especially when our needs aren’t met- is rather rule then exception. One key for happy relationships is feeling totally accepted for who you are. When people are in love, they tend to see only the good in the other. That’s not only because they don’t see “reality” (whose reality is it anyway), they just focus on the beauty of the other. If the critical mind awakes, usually the energy shifts..sadly enough. Why not to stay for ever in that state of bliss?

Interpretation and perception are great misleads and problem causes in all relationships. There is not ONE reality, but we all perceive the same ONE reality differently. That’s because we bring into our scopes our past and our beliefs. We also have intuition and we sense vibrations from others. So, how do we interpret these? Well, without connecting to criticism, some people you just might stay away from. You can still respect and validate them, but protect yourself from vibes you don’t align or feel good with… In respecting the other person as he/she is, that makes us feel much more pleasant than when we are in the “I’m right you’re wrong” discussions… Your opinion isn’t better, its only different. For example the “You are lazy” accusation tells more about the needs of the speaker than the true intentions of the one that is most likely relaxing. Yes,this is pure interpretation. Clear observation is the best guidance for true understanding and eventually can lead to acceptance. That doesn’t include that violence is permitted. It never is.

From a closed heart to an open heart As traumatic hurtful experiences can play a destructive part in the rest of our life if we don’t take steps to heal and release, so can multi-generational misery or Epigenetics conduct our life as well. It’s not only learned behavior that makes us act towards our partner like how our parents treated each other. How free are our choices for behavior really? Trauma keeps its power until healed and released, like negativity is surpassed by positivity. Little wounds leave little scars, while big wounds leave big scars. When the pain is large, we can decide to close our heart for love to protect ourselves from being hurt again or the bitterness takes over and causes us to close ourselves off. All of us know people who are perceived as “cold”. Did you know that violence, rape and arranged marriages without love could stop the flow of love through the future generations? The systemic work I do traces the path back to that cause. This work offers a new perspective and understanding of the bigger picture. It simultaneously offers forgiveness and honors what needs to be brought to light and opened up for love again. If your life unfolds in ways you don’t understand, whether its about lack of success in work, divorce issues with you or your children, adoption, depression or anxiety, try this workshop: “Discover the Hidden Information in Your Energy”

2hearts entangled

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Were you born in the US or did you immigrate here by choice? Did you know that that can influence your success today? Did your ancestors escape a catastrophe or did they flee because of violence? Were they slaves taken by force and did they lose their family name and history forever? Most immigrants over the years came with the same purpose: to get a better life, to live in freedom and/or to leave poverty behind.  They often went through incredible difficulties before things got better. They often carried the guilt of leaving family behind who could not come. There often was no time to ponder or speak about feelings or spirituality. Life was plain survival. Immigrants_arrive_New_York Today, many women and men live the chosen lifestyle of their dreams. Vision boards hang in homes, where the projected wishes are waiting to become manifested matter. But if the scarcity thinking, which is often a generational pattern, doesn’t leave your sub-consciousness then that can really keep you stuck in your quest to reach success. Its called an invisible block.  The fear of “not having enough money” can become the fear of “losing your money”   when you finally  do have a lot in the bank. Lately I spoke with a policeman in front of a bank and a very old and cute couple with canes came stumbling to the entrance. They greeted the guard. “They come here every day” he said to me. “Really?”  “Yes, they are checking if the money is still in their account…” One of the aspects of the art of living  is letting go of fear. Fearless living is a challenge, but a work that can be done. Are you aware that the desire to control, whether it is your children, partner or your bank account, all stems from fear? Fear doesn’t keep you safe, but attracts more fear what  you, probably, not really want. If you are interested how the sub-consciousness can reveal hidden blocks, then come Sunday to our workshop, “Discover the Hidden Information from Your Energy”

THE SOUND OF COMPASSION

Last night I learned about the sound of compassion. How does compassion sound?  Before you start to laugh or think critically you might consider doing what Einstein did. He declared that everything is energy. Having said that, we squeeze our minds to try to imagine what that really means. It’s very abstract, right? Not easy to do in a society where validation primarily is given to the perceivable world. Anyway, very old wisdom written down in one of the books of the Zohar (Kabbalah) teaches us that the “Aaaaahhhh” sound, felt in the chest by focusing on the heart and chest, has a level of vibration that creates compassion. You just put your hand on your heart and feel it.

From Deepak Chopra and Wayne Dyer I learned that Shaaaaahhh… is the sound of creation. So that indicates that Ahhh: “compassion” is an integral part of Shaaaahhh. To chant that sound is a great start of the day. Ending the day with Ommmmmm which means gratitude is really lifting up your energy.
Practicing gratitude is a habit that clears negativity and opens up to the state of manifesting our wishes and dreams. Together it hears as: Shaaa-l-ooom which means peace. So this word shalom encompasses the concepts: Creation, Compassion, Gratitude and Peace.

twin pic Compassion practiced intentionally is a very powerful tool. Compassion can be learned. Really. People who do not have compassion usually have a mindset that is filled with inhibiting, negative beliefs, have been raised among detrimental circumstances or have certain mental disorders.
Compassion is a combination of Observation (clean judgment, not criticism) and Unconditional Love.

The power of intention is sufficient to make it work. Focus your mindset, your energy, and voila, it’s felt by the other. We are used to say: “I send you my love, regards, best wishes.” That saying probably stems from a time there was more consciousness about energy in our lives and language. When you feel wronged, hurt or experience other negative feelings, so characteristic in relationships; be compassionate with yourself. Self-compassion is one of the emotional healing tools that is really effective.

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