It's all about Relationships…

Posts tagged ‘entanglements’

What to do with anger? Heartbased Parenting

Being a parent is not the easiest job but one that can give and teach you a lot if you are ready to learn about yourself and the world. One of the most interesting things I observed is that every parent I meet has that innate trust that he/ she KNOWS what is good parenting. Many parents have as well a deep insecurity that is not easily shown, but by looking closer  clearly reaches the surface.

“It takes a village to raise a child” shows how important the loving wisdom of others can be of support, not the criticism that is so often experienced. Don’t you know those adults who mention that their childhood wasn’t a happy one, they experienced at least one of the parents as tough or abusive, and they had to do a lot of work in therapy to heal and let go of the painful impact and memories. If you meet then the parent(s) of this person they speak very confident about what a great parent they were, because they really liked how their child turned out!

Having that said I am concluding that there are not so many  people who are REALLY happy in this world,  as a result of what was missing and lacking in their education. Heartbased, lovebased parenting was certainly not a general habit. One of the reasons is that traumas and dramatic events occurring in past generations could cause the flow of love in the family to stop. How often do I hear: my mother didn’t love me. The systemic family constellations show often where the entanglement stems from. Healing is then key and often the results are mind blowing and shifting patterns.

The greatest gift we can give our children is  acceptance for who they really are. Unfortunately criticism and punishment is a widely spread way of educating and giving the opposite message. Its just negative and we overrate the impact of environment in the outcome. Fear-based education combined with projection consciously and subconsciously from own traumas and trans-generational traumas are custom.

A high divorce rate is not to blame the divorcees for easily giving  up what seems to be a general saying. No, it is simply because people lack means of how to find happiness and how to handle it if they find it. The shelves with Self-Help books are overloaded. We simply don’t stay for the wrong reasons. But do we know the right ones?

Step 1 is to be loving and kind without judgment. Appreciation for what is and for how anyone appears. Insight of ones own feelings and needs. Compassionate attitude instead of an angry frustrated response. Compassion is an excellent answer on anger. Parenting is about YOU as a parent, how you feel, how you appreciate yourself. healing and releasing your own stuff. Seeing the limitations of your parents as a result of where they came from.
Always connect to what is below the anger, when your child explodes, certainly after checking environmental factors.

If you are more concerned about being treated respectfully by your child and you punish him for expressing frustration not according your standards, then ask yourself: “How do I react when I am angry or frustrated? What do I teach my child? What role model am I?” can we expect a child to handle his emotions better then we do as an adult?2-201_sad_teen_girl_d_b-1024x682

Also, what food is your child getting? Sugar, coloring can be of incredible influence to behavior. I mean, the correlation between eating a mountain of sugar and difficult uncontrollable behavior is just high! Lately I recommended in my practice a parent of a 6-year old hyper active daughter to buy natural snacks without added sugar or additives. She was eating cookies and all kind of sugary snacks after school. Lunch in school is around 11am. Snack time is after school and then the family goes out for diner at 6.  No peaceful  family diner at home, cooked with care and love… Noisy restaurants instead.

Seven hours at least between lunch and diner. That is much too long.

Can you believe that in many elementary schools in Florida candies are given for rewarding “good behavior or grades?” And that in the same schools often recess is taken away??? Is there anybody out there who does not KNOW that children need to move and not put on a chair for hours without physical activity? In Holland children have recess every one and a half hour. Wednesday afternoon off after 12 pm. Play-time… Children deserve a childhood. Childhood means a stress-free play world. It prepares them for a better future.

Read in my next blog the research I am doing about anger and family dynamics in several generations.
WWW.CARLAVANWALSUM.COM

Teaching Children compassion..

 If the world would suddenly be a compassionate one, how different would it be…
 
The strongest desire most parents have for their children is that they will be successful in life. The true understanding of success lies in who we are, not in what we do. Finding life’s purpose and doing what makes you really happy, automatically connects you to the essence of your being, your spirit, and your source. To integrate our spirit with an unconditionally loving, trust based, energy force in our mind, heart and belief system, allows clear choices to emerge and prosperity to abound in all life’s area’s. In a world where so much confusion and anger/ violence is present, vital answers can be found in the roll of conscious parenting. It is a blessing for a child to have parents to look up to, who respect the child for who (s)he is. Give respect, thou shall receive the same…make corrections with love, firm and clear, and the safety of boundaries is felt.
It is also a blessing to recieve compassion, as a way to learn to be compassionate. To create awareness about compassion is by being non-judgmental about others.  Wright and wrong statements are not loving, and certainly not compassionate. To learn to respect, to understand and to embrace our differences we learn to enjoy the variety of mankind. That is empowering children ( and adults!) and encouraging  them to bring the best out of themselves. Yes, that is part of a compassionate personailty!
The world as we know it, has always been violent in many ways. Today we have more awareness of that violence as a result of the easy exchange of information and broadcasting. Our tasks, intentions and focus must be on deliberately and intentionally creating a world where our children feel safe , cherished, supported and happy.  In the meantime , that is a great way to learn about compassion.
This is part of Carla Van Walsums very successful  ‘Happy Children, Happy Home Workshops ©’ and ‘The 7 Essentials for a Happy Family.’
 
Start now in February and March in:  the Red Tent, Delray Beach and Delmar Arts Academy in Ft Lauderdale. (Early birds reduction)
Carla Van Walsum  Ph.D LSHC is the owner of Transpersonal Counseling, LLC:  a Holistic Practice for Couples,  Families and Children. She works with groups and private sessions

Systemic Family Constellations:

 “Carla’s constellation workshop is moving, powerful, and healing on multi-dimensional levels simultaneously, enabling healing to occur in the past, present, and future timelines. Sunday’s event (10/26) will be amazing! I look forward to seeing you there.” Linda K.

                                                              

“ Boca Raton: Constellation Approach” Transpersonal-Counseling, LLC 

 Wouldn’t it be nice if your world could change in an instant?       A magic box that opens and all is well? It  sounds  too much to  promise,  but you are invited to tap  into the world of a deeply profound and grounded European famous method called: Systemic  Family Constellations ( Dr. Bert Hellinger) and you will  see miracles unfolding.  This   work succeeds by diminishing the unconscious impulses that produces unwanted, destructive behaviors. With astonishing specificity individuals discover the root causes to their individual  problems (or their family members who do not need to be present)  and how these  nest within the field shaped by ancestral family trauma’s that are often frozen, opening up the problems into new solutions. During a constellation unexpected patterns are released,  opening up the minds with reverence for life, creating  compassion  for others. 

 We all are born into a family as  part of the “family soul”. When wounds/scars of the past generations are not healed, the future generation unconsciously may take on that burden, out of love and loyalty . 

 Wouldn’t it be nice if you finally understand  why : 

 your child seems distant towards you? 

· you cannot overcome your addictions? 

you feel gratitude for adoption but the resentment is predominant? 

 you are unsatisfied as a stay-at-home mom although it is your choice? 

 your health or finances suffer? 

 you  or your loved ones cannot come at peace with a divorce? 

· you cannot commit really in a  relationship ?you procrastinate in being successful? 

 your child overeats or has anorexia? 

 Every session begins with only one question: What is your issue?  And the answer can be anything considered urgent and described in a few sentences. 

 In an almost   silent   process  the constellation unfolds  within an hour  towards solutions.  

 90 % Of the participants report afterwards that the issue has been  eased or totally resolved. 

 Remember, Einstein said: “Everything is Energy”. 

 Aren’t we al yearning for deep fulfilling lives and relationships, for self actualization and a happier world, where our children will be free of burdens and enjoy the beauty of all that is? 

 Facilitated by Carla Van Walsum Ph.D c LSHC 

Carla has been trained and certified with Dr Bert Hellinger in Europe, the Dutch Hellinger Institute, Academy for Eclectic  Psychotherapy and with the Boston Constellation Approach. She has facilitated numerous constellations with groups and utilizes this work also in her private practice frequently 1on 1, with adults and with children. 

                            Next Workshop is:  

                   9-26-10       10 – 1 pm : the Red Tent 

                  10-24-10      10 – 1pm: the Red Tent 

                                       

                   20 S Swinton Delray Beach, Fl 33444 

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