It's all about Relationships…

Posts tagged ‘parenting’

3 Tips for Loving, Happy Relationships

“Appreciation of our diversity”, I wish that would be a class in school. It would prepare us at least partially for our future relationships with ourselves and with others. Competition divides us and is a killer for friendships and relationships. The trend to look at “winners and losers” by validating the “winner” much more than the “loser” doesn’t teach our children compassion or respect. That is quite contradicting to the call or request for respect which is so often expressed. In intimate relationships and with parenting styles criticism, comparison and judgment of behavior – especially when our needs aren’t met- is rather rule then exception. One key for happy relationships is feeling totally accepted for who you are. When people are in love, they tend to see only the good in the other. That’s not only because they don’t see “reality” (whose reality is it anyway), they just focus on the beauty of the other. If the critical mind awakes, usually the energy shifts..sadly enough. Why not to stay for ever in that state of bliss?

Interpretation and perception are great misleads and problem causes in all relationships. There is not ONE reality, but we all perceive the same ONE reality differently. That’s because we bring into our scopes our past and our beliefs. We also have intuition and we sense vibrations from others. So, how do we interpret these? Well, without connecting to criticism, some people you just might stay away from. You can still respect and validate them, but protect yourself from vibes you don’t align or feel good with… In respecting the other person as he/she is, that makes us feel much more pleasant than when we are in the “I’m right you’re wrong” discussions… Your opinion isn’t better, its only different. For example the “You are lazy” accusation tells more about the needs of the speaker than the true intentions of the one that is most likely relaxing. Yes,this is pure interpretation. Clear observation is the best guidance for true understanding and eventually can lead to acceptance. That doesn’t include that violence is permitted. It never is.

From a closed heart to an open heart As traumatic hurtful experiences can play a destructive part in the rest of our life if we don’t take steps to heal and release, so can multi-generational misery or Epigenetics conduct our life as well. It’s not only learned behavior that makes us act towards our partner like how our parents treated each other. How free are our choices for behavior really? Trauma keeps its power until healed and released, like negativity is surpassed by positivity. Little wounds leave little scars, while big wounds leave big scars. When the pain is large, we can decide to close our heart for love to protect ourselves from being hurt again or the bitterness takes over and causes us to close ourselves off. All of us know people who are perceived as “cold”. Did you know that violence, rape and arranged marriages without love could stop the flow of love through the future generations? The systemic work I do traces the path back to that cause. This work offers a new perspective and understanding of the bigger picture. It simultaneously offers forgiveness and honors what needs to be brought to light and opened up for love again. If your life unfolds in ways you don’t understand, whether its about lack of success in work, divorce issues with you or your children, adoption, depression or anxiety, try this workshop: “Discover the Hidden Information in Your Energy”

2hearts entangled

carlavanwalsum.com

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AUTISM?

This morning the Rabbi from Bnai Torah in Boca, in his sermon shared  about  a boy  who is at the very extreme end of the Autistic spectrum.. He just had his Bar Mitzvah at the age of 16. This boy never spoke a word and when he tried to express himself, strange sounds came out of his mouth which was  the energy of his intentions and thoughts. How captured can one be, never to be able to fully express and have your feelings heard?  The mother dedicated her life to the wellbeing of the boy. Computer technology offered a tremendous change; he learned to express himself on the soundboard. The first sentence he wrote: “I love you Mom”. The second:” I miss you Dad.” ( His father passed). These sentences moved me deeply, knowing from nearby  the lonely place where autistic people can be. How much love they need, compassion and understanding from their environment, and how hard it can be for some of them to GIVE love. My own sister, who passed a few months ago, never spoke a word either. The computer program didnt work for her. She seemingly chose to be at that place of loneliness, living in her own world, often very sad and unhappy. One of her deepest issues, she was never ever able to discuss and nobody could ever change that self talk in her head, was the doubt if she was worthy of being loved. Lovable.That must be a terrible thought to live with, and why did she have that thought so clearly? From what place did that originate? Yes, she could hear, but she closed her self totally. Classical music, therapeutically Mozart, she turned it always off. We as a family  did love her very much and expressed that often to her. That  sometimes  changed  her mood into a happy one. She  never gave any affection. Her dolls she was playing with together with me who came one and a half year after her, she was carrying like bread under her arm, head down. As a little girl it freaked me out..No physical touch has been ever appreciated by my sister…What I did learn from being with her was compassion. The guilt I felt for having my own “normal” life, was huge.  The loneliness my mother must have felt, soon after WW II in Holland, having a first born child like my sister and then to hear it was supposedly her fault, so was  told her by her doctors..  This carries a huge message. Dont judge, don’t think you know it all, be compassionate and stay humble in whatever great place you might be. Things are often not quite as they seemed to be.

The greatness of my parents who took care of  my sister to her last breath when she died from cancer, was reflected in my sister. The last months of her life, every night she hurried to step in my parents bed before they were coming, in order  to sleep between them, as a baby. The only moments in her life she clearly  showed in her way that she needed others.

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