It's all about Relationships…

Posts tagged ‘relationships’

Hidden loyalties and procastination

Everyone has hidden loyalties. This is such an important topic! I will share a little bit, and explain much more, in the upcoming workshop and video that will be posted on FB and YouTube.
We all have loyalties to our belief-systems, family members, siblings, ethnicities, nations, grandparents, to the suffering of our ancestors, or to groups of people we may be unaware of.
Loyalty, in and of itself, is an extremely important trait in relationships, but as family constellations reveals, it is often connected to self-sabotage. It starts with our loyalty to the ones who gave us life.
Today, so many women  live their passion and follow their dreams by creating their own businesses and offering wonderful services. They often live totally different lives then their mothers did. They have  more freedom of choices in many areas of life.
However, many times they are not where they would like to be financially .
They remain stuck in fear thinking such as ‘not-making/having-enough-money’, despite practicing all kinds of Law of Attraction and Client Attraction programs. Those programs ONLY work (really well) if the underlying belief systems and stored generational experiences are also cleared up.

Constellation work shows over and over again, how hidden loyalties are the cause of limitations in specific areas of life.
It may be difficult to be happier in your marriage, when your mother was not happy, or did not have a husband.  To be wealthier and more successful than your father ever was can become an obstacle for the son or daughter, of course the sabotage is predominantly subconscious.

The loyalty to belong, the desire to be unconditionally loved, as well as many more reasons, can block us in one or more areas. Let’s be clear: today it is a very popular to  talk about “clearing blocks”. But first you have to know WHERE those blocks are coming from, and WHY they exist.
Peel off the layers of our systems, like peeling an onion.
Want to know more?
Do you want to get clarity WHY things are the way they show up in your life, or your child’s, or partner’s life?

COME TO A WORKSHOP OR  BOOK A  15 MINUTE FREE SESSION: http://carlavanwalsum.com/services1/

 

 

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A DEADLY HABIT IN…

anger in rel.

3 Tips for Loving, Happy Relationships

“Appreciation of our diversity”, I wish that would be a class in school. It would prepare us at least partially for our future relationships with ourselves and with others. Competition divides us and is a killer for friendships and relationships. The trend to look at “winners and losers” by validating the “winner” much more than the “loser” doesn’t teach our children compassion or respect. That is quite contradicting to the call or request for respect which is so often expressed. In intimate relationships and with parenting styles criticism, comparison and judgment of behavior – especially when our needs aren’t met- is rather rule then exception. One key for happy relationships is feeling totally accepted for who you are. When people are in love, they tend to see only the good in the other. That’s not only because they don’t see “reality” (whose reality is it anyway), they just focus on the beauty of the other. If the critical mind awakes, usually the energy shifts..sadly enough. Why not to stay for ever in that state of bliss?

Interpretation and perception are great misleads and problem causes in all relationships. There is not ONE reality, but we all perceive the same ONE reality differently. That’s because we bring into our scopes our past and our beliefs. We also have intuition and we sense vibrations from others. So, how do we interpret these? Well, without connecting to criticism, some people you just might stay away from. You can still respect and validate them, but protect yourself from vibes you don’t align or feel good with… In respecting the other person as he/she is, that makes us feel much more pleasant than when we are in the “I’m right you’re wrong” discussions… Your opinion isn’t better, its only different. For example the “You are lazy” accusation tells more about the needs of the speaker than the true intentions of the one that is most likely relaxing. Yes,this is pure interpretation. Clear observation is the best guidance for true understanding and eventually can lead to acceptance. That doesn’t include that violence is permitted. It never is.

From a closed heart to an open heart As traumatic hurtful experiences can play a destructive part in the rest of our life if we don’t take steps to heal and release, so can multi-generational misery or Epigenetics conduct our life as well. It’s not only learned behavior that makes us act towards our partner like how our parents treated each other. How free are our choices for behavior really? Trauma keeps its power until healed and released, like negativity is surpassed by positivity. Little wounds leave little scars, while big wounds leave big scars. When the pain is large, we can decide to close our heart for love to protect ourselves from being hurt again or the bitterness takes over and causes us to close ourselves off. All of us know people who are perceived as “cold”. Did you know that violence, rape and arranged marriages without love could stop the flow of love through the future generations? The systemic work I do traces the path back to that cause. This work offers a new perspective and understanding of the bigger picture. It simultaneously offers forgiveness and honors what needs to be brought to light and opened up for love again. If your life unfolds in ways you don’t understand, whether its about lack of success in work, divorce issues with you or your children, adoption, depression or anxiety, try this workshop: “Discover the Hidden Information in Your Energy”

2hearts entangled

carlavanwalsum.com

Love and what else?

LOVE…?

We could simply realize that many are not really happy with themselves or in their relationships. Self-love, as the basis of the ability to love others, is often very hurt or even absent. In my practice I frequently face that the root cause of many issues is based on a lack of experiencing to be appreciated and accepted for who they really are. This appreciation is one of the greatest gifts we can give to our children.

 We have disconnected so completely that we willingly engage in the dysfunction, yet we seem not to know how to make the changes.

Bound by fear and relishing in illusory symbols of status and power, we choose to spiral through depending on approval and life clinging to our reputations, our homes, our cars and our jobs as if they defined our very existence. We and of course our children are paying the price.

Every time a child commits suicide or goes on another school shooting rampage, we struggle to understand why? Fingers are pointed in every direction – at the media, the psychiatric drugs, the music industry, video games, lack of morality in America, but our fingers are never turned inward, toward our own hearts. We simply do not understand.

It is time to recognize that our own words and actions as the cause of an ever-eroding respect for life. respect coming from our hearts, not from superficial politeness.

It’s time to begin the healing of our hearts, to move from closed to an open heart.

 

Do you think this is true?

happy fam

 If the Mayan’s were right in their calculations, then 12-21-12 is a magical day. They didn’t continue their calendar after this date, however we do! Though, the meaning could be the announcement of the destruction of “the old world” where people were fighting, judging, humiliating, hurting, alienating. It marks the start of a “new era”: the uplifting of consciousness to create a more compassionate world with the mass intention to focus on joy, love, authenticity, beauty, trust and healing.  
Whatever beliefs you may hold about this date, it doesn’t matter. What does matter is the power of the positive choices everyone can make every day. Choices are like the sprouts of the seeds rooted in soil. The soil however, needs to be rich and healthy for the best results. Soil and soul differ just one letter. What they have in common is that they need to be healthy. As you know, part of our soul is our  subconscious and unconscious mind which contains all the collected data of our past, even the memories of our family for several generations. Clinical psychology Research shows that traumatic events are stored in the limbic brain for three generations.   However, the past is over, being in the Now is a great way to live. It is even greater to get rid of disturbing Thoughts and feelings (based on the past) that don’t serve you well. What you focus on expands.
If you are open to take the opportunity to start with a clean slate for a new beginning, then below you’ll find my exciting 12-21-12 offer: for the first FIVE responses 50% off a PRIVATE hour  session in Person or on Skype.
  NOT $127 BUT ONLY: $63.50
  Use your session to uplift your life:

“I am connected to you, but I‘ve never met you…” When the presence of absence is felt… A Holocaust history as shown in a Constellation perspective

“I am connected to you, but I‘ve never met you…”  When the  presence of absence is felt…  A Holocaust history as shown in a Constellation perspective. ( N0, not about stars!)

http://www.CarlaVanWalsum.com   Boca Raton, Florida

When, because of war or other disasters, many family members are killed or perished, surviving members can often ‘feel’ their absence even though they have never met. Family Constellations show that identification can occur with one or more dead family members quite unexpectedly. We are all part of a so called ‘Family-Soul’; an intelligence which encompasses the evolution and nature of the family over the generations.

Those who belong to a particular Family Soul are the children, parents and their siblings, grandparents, great grandparents and so on, including anyone who has been excluded from this family system (i.e. rejected members who were called ’bad’, former spouses, stillborn and aborted children).When we bring them back into the system by acknowledging and honoring them, we see that Constellations are a very effective way to restore harmony in any family. Sometimes, family members who haven’t talked to each other for years suddenly call soon after a constellation.
Also, constellations can provide clarity and healing for a tremendous variety of issues in only a few minutes.

She looks at me, a bit insecurely. “I don’t know if this makes any sense to you.”
“Well, try!” I say.
Michal sighs deeply and begins to talk.” I have a strange feeling that all of the people in my family who died in the Holocaust have an influence on me today. I often feel depressed, and I don’t know why. My mother’s sister was killed in the Holocaust along with her 5 children. So are 2 brothers with their families from my father’s side. I am named after my grandmother, who perished too. The story in my family is that she was a great, wonderful person. I actually would like to look more closely into that side of my family.”

When Family Constellations begin, we start by setting up the family of origin. The client will choose people from the audience to represent their family members. They have no previous information about the client, and are requested to participate with ‘absolutely blank minds’. By doing so,   a ‘morpho-genetic-field’  emerges, a field that contains the collected data of the family legacy. The miracle is that doors are opened to a hidden dimension of inner images and often unknown, unspoken issues.  When scars of the past are not healed, that energy tend to reverberate to future generations. Over and over again, Constellations consistently reveal profound and lasting benefits for the participants and loved ones. Surprisingly enough, the healing processes take place on  soul-level, yet the results are shown in people, even when they are not present.

“Choose representatives for you, your grandmother, the aunt with five children.”

Michal puts the aunt with her 5 children very close together. They all look down. When the grandmother is set up in front of her daughter, she becomes very unstable, her body convulses as if she is crying silently. A strong emotion is felt.
“Go to your daughter and all of your grandchildren and touch them, one by one. ..Michal, please do the same and look them in the eyes.”  They all embrace each other in silence. “Now take your granddaughter by the hand and bow to your relatives, both of you, in front of all of them, with one bow.”
The grandmother hesitates.  Continue to breathe deeply!  “One deep bow. ” Michal sighs deeply, and cannot look at them. She walks away, telling she cannot look at them. I gently bring Michal back. “Please, look at them!” Michal walks back.

Grandmother and Michal bow deeply and slowly. The ro m becomes very tensed. “Now Michal, look at them and tell them ‘I am one of you’.” Michal does. “Look at them. Now straighten up, look at them very clearly, and say: ‘I’ll carry on’.” Michal is hesitating. “Say it. Look them in their eyes and say: ‘I’ll carry on’.” Michal, deeply moved, whispers: ”I’ll continue to live.”
I ask Michal to repeat after me, “I’ll carry on in memory of you. Your death was not in vain. ” Michal does n’t move, looks down and shakes her head. ”Tell them, look at them: ‘I’ll carry on’.” Michal shakes her head, no.
“Tell her-…It is enough that we are dead.”

“It is enough that we are dead.” Michal covers her face, cries and smiles. “Now, say it again, ‘I’ll carry on…I’ll carry on in remembrance of you, it’s enough that you are dead’.
“Look at your grandmother and say: ‘I’ll carry on’.” Michal does so. I ask the grandmother: “Do you want to tell her something?”
Grandmother whispers: “No”. To Michal: “Now stand with your back leaning against your aunt and look forward.”
“Do you have children?” Michal nods, smiles. “How many do you have?” “Five…”
”Now look at your relatives, and tell them I have five children.
Michal whispers:.. “I have also 5 children…”

The 5 children of the aunt smile and look friendly at Michal. “Now turn around again, I’ll put five representatives for your children, and place them opposite you.
“Michal, tell your children “We’ll carry on with life”. Michal covers her eyes… seems unable to speak.
”Now, go to your children”
I asked the audience if they can see how the facial expressions and energies  (the representatives of)  ”the  dead’ are changed after this, how the energy shifted. “That is very important what we see here. The dead participate in the lives of the living,  When we acknowledge them, honor them and give them a place, the dynamics  shift.  It is als known as kind of ‘survivors guilt’.  But the burden of the loss and murdering of so many family members is very tangible and manifest itself often as depressions, strange accidents, and not being able to take life fully.  “

The audience appears very moved.. a genuine touch was felt..After a Constellation the representatives automatically immediately release all that does not belong to them, what they temporary took on in order to make the invisible visible…Thats how the forces of the Morphogenetic fields, or Epigenetics, work.

The family soul has its wounds and secrets that work their way through to many future generations, when not healed. The chil­dren, by being so loyal, often take over what does not belong to them. “I take it instead of you” or “I leave instead of you ”. With these types of entanglements, love cannot flow, it can disturb our lives and manifest in the form of sudden illnesses or accidents, depression, physical or mental illness, persistent relationships conflicts and dysfunction. Constellation is also used with different phenomenons and organizations. Clinical Psychology science shows that trauma’s are stored in the limbic brain for at least 3 generations. We can conclude that to heal our pasts is imperative for a happy life.

Carla has been trained/certified with Dr Bert Hellinger in Europe, the Dutch Hellinger Institute,  Academy for Eclectic Psychotherapy and with the Boston Constellation Approach. She has facilitated numerous constellations with groups and utilizes this work also in her private practice in Florida,  phone sessions, privately  1 on 1, with adults and with children.
www.CarlaVanWalsum.com

Read my chapter in Allow Your Vision to Soar!

The Adoption Triad: Soul Searching, People Searching

The Adoption Triad: Hidden Truths Behind the Happy Ending           

The word adoption conjures joyful images of a new baby, dreams fulfilled and promises of a better life for baby. There are more than 1.5 million adoptees in the United States; adoption touches one in fifteen of us.  What few have had the courage to talk about until recently is that behind many “happy endings,” there are painful realities and souls in need of healing.

As the recent TV special “Dan Rather Reports: Adopted or Abducted?” explored, the adoption story rarely quite as simple or straightforward as it may first appear. The act of surrendering a baby is so primal that it brings up complex emotions for each member of the triad—birth parents, adoptive parents and adoptees. There has traditionally been a veil of secrecy surrounding adoption; this is particularly true of adoptions that took place in the 50s, 60s and 70s. The circumstances and emotions around the conception, birth and surrender of the baby are often denied, buried or simply not discussed. If left unhealed, feelings of grief, unworthiness and longing can become part of the individual and tribal/family soul DNA, lasting a lifetime and even affecting future generations.

The birth mother may receive praise and feel deeply gratified for committing the ultimate loving, selfless act for her baby. At the same time, she may feel a mixture of fear, desperation, guilt, judgment, shame, and even coercion.  On an emotional level, a woman is told, and often comes to believe, that she is undeserving of her child because she is unmarried, economically unstable or simply because the natural father walks away. Not an easy burden for a young woman to carry.

For the adoptive parent, there is elation and gratitude upon receiving a much-anticipated bundle of joy. However, the adoption often comes after suffering grief, self-doubt and pain if they were not able to have their own biological child.  They may be reluctant to admit that they have doubts about how their family will accept and bond with the child or if he may have psychological or medical issues. They often have harsh judgments about the birth mother, which are inevitably felt by the child.

Even when adoptees have had a happy and loving childhood, most have lingering questions about their heritage and the circumstance surrounding their birth. At the soul level, it is a very difficult thing to feel like one has been “given away,” no matter the circumstances. Adoptees often develop a deep-seated fear of abandonment, a numbing of emotions or an inability to fully accept love in their relationships.

Truly making peace with adoption
and its influence in ones life may involve Soul Searching, People Searching or both.

 

 

People Searching: There are many heartwarming reunion stories about a birth mom and child finding each other, sharing an immediate recognition and bond, and developing a lifelong loving relationship. Many other searches are fraught with frustration, brick walls, repeated rejection or finding out some not-so-nice details about the birth mother’s life situation. The decision to search must be made with eyes and heart open, willingness to accept that it may be an emotional roller coaster and acceptance for a variety of possible outcomes. Many people find searching necessary to their healing; others choose to focus attention inwardly.

Research shows that the vast majority of birth mothers do want to be found and that nearly all adoptees who search are glad they did. This is true even if what they find is less than ideal, or if the birth family does not wish to pursue a personal relationship with the adoptee. In many cases, the pain is too deep for an adoptee and birth mother to bond, but meaningful connections are made with extended family members. In my opinion, it is almost always better to find answers; I believe that it is  every adoptee’s birthright to have access to this information.

Soul Searching: So what is the best way to heal the emotional wounds surrounding adoption? In my fifteen-plus years as a mental health professional specializing in the adoption triad, I have seen incredible healing and growth for all members of the adoption triad, through a variety of techniques. Some of the most powerful healing results come from applying Epigenetics and Systemic Family Constellation.

Systemic Family Constellation is hugely popular in Europe and is becoming increasingly well known in the U.S. I had the honor of studying this work directly under its founder, Dr. Bert Hellinger. I am both a seasoned facilitator and a personal fan of this work.  In hundreds of cases, I have seen fascinating results in detecting energetic connections and discovering hidden loyalties and trauma within a family soul group. This work taps into the larger family soul energy, supporting its innate ability to clear blockages, balance energy and very quickly bring about quantum healing and joy in my clients’ lives.

Learn more at www.lifeshiddentruths.com/services or attending the upcoming workshop “Adoption: Soul Searching and People Searching” on June 9th.

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