It's all about Relationships…

Posts tagged ‘self-love’

 An opportunity for learning compassion…

With his grandmother, 9 Year old Jimmy came for a session to my office.  I was the last therapist to try before they would put Jimmy on medication for ADHD and hyperactivity. Grandma was the caretaker for Jimmy and his sister because their parents were divorced and unable to take care of their children. Grandma spoke very negatively about her ex-daughter in law. “She‘s a horrible mother, a drug addict. She’s not even paying child-support.”  Jimmy looked away while she spoke. For me the task was to elicit some empathy from grandmother for Jimmy’s mother, who was seemingly immersed in her own problems. Being addicted to drugs never occurs because of happy reasons. Grandma was not open to hear any other vision than her own.
I asked Jimmy to “map his family” with colored footprints he would choose from, and to put them in the open space on the floor that we call “the field”. Spontaneously he put the footprints wherever he felt like. He chose a pair of footprints for himself, his mother, father, sister and grand- parents. We added the dog too.  I asked Jimmy  to put shapes that are representing feelings next to the footprints , where ever he would feel comfortable .  Those feelings would then  be seen as belonging to the footprints of that person. Jimmy put next to everyone  “love” but not for himself. He put “sadness” to his mother’s footprints and also to his own. He put “anger” next to his father’s prints.
The mapping shows the inner picture of how Jimmy perceives his family and ultimately his world. He was obviously feeling lonely, disconnected from his parents, but supported by grandparents, and had no love for himself (!).
The way he positioned his own feet showed a deep longing for his mother. It became clear how he was connected to his mother, which was with sadness and pain. He peeked from the corners of his eyes to his grandmother, almost afraid of what she would think from all this and he saw that she was tearing up. This picture made her realize that it is detrimental for the boy when she speaks negatively about his mother. His feelings need to be respected. Even a troubled mother wants to be loved by the child, and deserves respect for wherever and whatever she is going through.  Most importantly, regardless of the situation, the child will love his mother. The child needs to have positive feelings about his parents., which can be very difficult and conflicting. Tearing natural family ties apart can cause restlessness and depression. It is our judging that can hurt others so much.  One session seemed to be enough to have Jimmy‘s behavior change.  The need for medication was gone.


The green footprints are from Jimmy, yellow and blue the grandparents, dark pink the dad (left corner beneath), yellow in the upper left corner; the mom. The pink circles symbolize “love”, the purple circles “sadness”. Red square: anger

 

http://carlavanwalsum.com/create-harmony-in-your-life-family-family-constellations/

Trust is a strong component for…

Trust is one strong component for..

 ….  healthy-functioning relationships. You might agree with that, but do you also know HOW to create (more) trust in your world or in yourself, especially when you don’t think that trust is highly present in your life?

     It could be that as a child you overheard your parents saying to someone else, “I don’t trust that kid at all!” “You can never trust them!”  Or you may have heard some similar expression.   Your subconscious collects all data in your life and determines much of your motivation and behavior. Usually, the negative statements you heard about yourself became part of your identity, and ironically, you most likely are proving its truth in your life. It is a terrible feeling when people don’t trust you for no apparent reason, or when you feel untrustworthy or distrustful.    Our daily conscious thoughts influence our well being and the way we deal with our lives. If we want to intentionally create more trust in our lives, the first step is to question and identify the fear behind the thoughts we tend to have….”Why do I think that, and who says that it is true?”

Maybe your world view is pessimistically colored, and you consider your views as realistic…without realizing that ‘realistic’ is a personal, subjective description that is perceived differently by everyone…You may worry that the world is fraught with danger.  The world has always been dangerous, we just know more about things outside our immediate environments because of technology.   A very simple remedy to get out of this ‘state of fear-thinking’ (the opposite of TRUST)- is to control your self-talk. Vague sentences like: “You cannot trust anybody in today’s world” or: “I told you! Never trust anyone!” must be eliminated immediately of course. One or more disappointing experiences can not predict more of the same by themselves.

However with negative thinking they can easily become ‘self-fulfilling prophecies”   Simply said: If you focus on trust with your whole being, you can create so much positive energy that a shift is inevitable. For good things to occur in your life, you need to feel as good as possible. Trust is one of these pillars to thrive on.    Do you want to meet people you can trust?  Ask for it. Radiate trust. What you send out, you’ll get back. Your clear positive intentions will manifest another reality. Try it for a while and see what happens   The result of trusting in “all is well” thoughts, gives you the opportunity to escape from where you are at this moment, even though it seems to be the opposite of what you’re experiencing now. Science shows that fearful people are more likely to be robbed than fearless ones

This  supports  the thesis that taking responsibility for our thoughts consciously is bringing us closer to where we want to be!

Trust connects you to  the right place

“I only meet trust worthy people”  

“I trust that whatever feels good is good”.                          

“I am safe.”

 “Everything is working out for my highest good

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