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Posts tagged ‘When the scars of the past are not healed’

’Alicia’, a Systemic Family Constellation

‘Alicia’

“ I love my husband” said Alicia while looking at me, her big dark eyes showing some uncertainty. “But I cannot commit myself fully. I always feel doubt, something is missing. I love our 2 kids, I do not want a divorce either. And now I found the perfect answer, but not the solution. “That means?” I asked. ”Well, I fell in love with another man.”.
Alicia had come ‘to set up a constellation’ in order to get more insight about herself. “Ok, I have enough information” I said.
“Ask someone to represent you, your father and your mother.” “Not my husband??” “No, not yet”.
She chose a few people from the audience, moved them to a specific spot in the room, in the so called ‘morpho genetic field’, and, voila! there the picture was revealed.

In this constellation the represented father was placed three yards away from Alicia’s representative, (in the middle of the field) and looks very happy and proudly at her.
‘Alicia’ (the rep) looks back. The mother, as set up by the client, is set up as if in the corner of a triangle, she turns her back to her husband and looks away from them. She peaks a little bit in the direction of ’Alicia’.
’Are your parents divorced?’ “No. But they don’t have a great relationship either”, client Alicia said.
”That is obvious.” A big gap between a couple physically, symbolically means that there is a big emotional distance as well. “Your mom would like to leave the family?” “Yes, that makes sense.”
“Follow your inner movements” I said to the 3 representatives. The father approaches Alicia, very closely, the mother moves a little more to the side. ”What’s going on?” I ask the ‘father’. “I want to go to her, I feel so proud of her” and he points toward ‘Alicia’. “Yes. What about your wife?” “I don’t have feelings for her. I see only my daughter.” “And what are you feeling?” I ask the ‘mother.’ She replies, “I don’t belong, I love my daughter, but she is not seeing me at all. I don’t care for my husband at all.”
The real Alicia, who’s observing, starts to cry.
The constellation continues and shows a typical case of ‘non-physical’ incest, that the daughter takes the place of the mother. Of course this pattern can also exist with mother/ sons. In a difficult, loveless marriage without a possibility to choose a divorce, parents can project their feelings and needs on their children. The strong symbiosis changes in another pattern.

In order to free Alicia she will take the place on the floor where her representative stood and will say healing sentences that work deeply into the soul, and the so called’ family-soul’, even though her father is not really present.
She will repeat after me: “I am small, you are big”, “I am your daughter, not your wife”, “Allow me my own life and marriage.” “Thank you for being my father”, I honor you for being my father.”, “You gave me life.”, “That was enough.”, “I have my own life, and I am free to be with my own husband.” “ I let go off all feelings concerning guilt.”
When these kind of sentences are spoken, a profound feeling is in the group noticeable.. It is amazing that people can temporarily take over someone’s feelings even though they are not even present. The accuracy of the interactions and emotions expressed astounds many clients especially when they are participating in their own story. After the constellation is over, those feelings dissipate from all of the representatives immediately.
After the session a different Alicia is visible, every one is able to notice a shift. Experiences learn that this shifts work on several levels, and last. Alicia told me a few months later that things really changed for her. The need for ‘escape’ was gone…

Many, many different topics or secrets could be resolved with this energetic healing work. It shows also that we have less free will than we actually believe we do.
The family-soul has its wounds and secrets that work their way through to many future generations, when not healed. The children, by being so loyal, often take over what does not belong to them. “I take it instead of you” or “I leave instead of you ”. With these types of entanglements, love cannot flow, it can disturb our lives and manifest in the form of sudden illnesses or accidents, depression, physical or mental illness, persistent relationships conflicts and dysfunction. Constellation is also used with businesses and organizations.
Einstein said it: Everything is Energy…

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