It's all about Relationships…

Archive for August, 2012

Adoption and then what…

It seems so easy. You are pregnant, you cannot keep or don’t want the +baby, and several people (who have a monetary or other interests) are suggesting or pressuring you to give up the baby for adoption ‘because there are wonderful parents waiting to give your child a great life’. Really? For sure, there ARE wonderful parents who are adopting children that need a home. No bad word about that! Often those kids are filling a hole in the childless marriages of those people. All that love and care they recieve from those parents is a GREAT gift.

However, babies are grown in the whom of their own mother. And giving away by birth is a deep felt Trauma with life-long consequences, with often a theme of BONDING issues and a doubtful SELF-ESTEEM. Poor birth mothers who have been forced to give their babies away, they are traumatized for life.
A baby is not a THING. A baby is a human that doesnt speak but does feel, experiences and is totally aware. Babies are part of a family, they belong to the bigger picture of a family soul: an energy field that contains genes and epigenetics; the collection of experiences in the lives of +ancestors. Clinical Psychology could prove it so well: yes, trauma’s of past generations, at least 3, are stored in the Limbic brain. And the characteristic of traumas, epigenetics, are that they influence your life if they are not healed. Jewish toddlers in Europe, that have been given away to strangers to rescue them from being deported to concentration camps show often, as do their children, disturbances in bonding and relationships..
Negative thoughts and opinions stored in the mind of Adoptive-parents about the biological+Parents can create lifelong bonding issues for the child, who HEARD and FELT those opinions. An unconscious made choice can result in staying loyal on a deep level to their birth mother/parents or staying angry towards them for the rest of their entire life, OR are so loyal to the adoptive parent that a deep resentment to their own family of origen is a result.

Children are not for sale. Also, happiness is not for sale. The greatness of adopting a child that is in need for care is a beautiful, beautiful deed, often really lifesaving, however complicated as well.
A Non-judgmental and respectful attitude to the birth parents, regardless their situation as a result of how life treated them, and a loving attitude for each involved is imperative for the child’s well being and are extremely important ingredients.
Adoption is an act of extremities: powerful loving care vs deep powerless loss.
Impressive healing is often witnessed in a Family Constellation, bringing peace and balance back in the families, in the birth as well in the adoptive families.

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Jay! Just enjoy everyday!!

Embracing the unknown, the future, is not an easy thing to do. What you need is TRUST that all is well and will be well. Open the doors when you feel the opportunity, if ‘fear of’ holds you back from taking steps, do not say: it was not meant to be. No, you just didnt take action.
If trust is lacking, fear sets in. I f the future is welcomed with open arms based on acceptance for what will be, peace of mind and heart takes place. If fear is in your face, work to release it…otherwise you’l manifest the things you rather wouldnt…

Love??? Joy???

I have seen several clients this week, beautiful, insightful conscious people who want to make the best out of their lives. Many spent tremendously much energy and effort in ‘deleting’ out of their system the hurt caused by others. Nasty remarks, selfish actions, senseless judgments, all stuff that we dont need and is put for free, uninvited on our plates. The negative energy as a result is tremendous for the receivers. Hurting others, the effect of a “closed”heart, not understanding what you are doing to others and feeling threatened by the world, seeing danger everywhere and most of all feeling a victim of live and circumstances, needs to be released. Yay! Send fear away, out of your life!
Do we expect too much from others? Some people think that the answer to prevent disappointment is to let go of any expectations. That feels kind of empty too. Replace it by:”” I am opening up for the best experiences, in whatever way, shape or form they appear.””Feels kind of relaxed, right? Any experience might hold a truth and lesson, you do not necessarily see or recognize that right away. The lesson can also be that you need to turn away from those who harm too much. They make their choices, consciously or not, allow them to be who they are, and so do you allow yourself to be who you are and to choose what makes you feel good!!!
Those””‘naggies” are often characterized as black & white opinionated ones. To have strong opinions create kind of safety and is also perceived as ‘strength’, by the opinionated ones of course. However, wisdom is hidden behind the doubt. Though, not-knowing, having doubts is often perceived as insecure. So, having strong opinions, should keep the fear out-of-the-way! That is NOT true! Being a seeker is the path to go in order to discover other ways and truths, and to move forward. So, when your focus is elsewhere, (and you lose your energy to the ”naggies”)  and not on finding LOVE and JOY, you will find everything else but… Send positive energy to those that don’t bring love and joy into your life and set forward the intention to meet loving, caring compassionate people. You deserve the best, so choose love finders. EnJOY your day!
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Tap into your incredible innate capacity to heal circumstances, relationships and difficult life situations!

Epigenetics: Clinical psychology research has shown that traumas are stored in the limbic brain for at least 3 generations. Thoughts are energy, sub-and unconscious(ness) are energy fields. Traumas are stored there as all the collected data of the past, and are energetic substances that impact our lives and our happiness/wellbeing today. In order to really thriving and living your full potential, recognizing and healing/releasing trauma’s is imperative. Troublesome relationships can be a sign of trauma’s in the family-energy field. Angry father-angry son. Sad mother-sad daughter, signs of generational transmission. War is often a big indicator. Unexplainable inadequacy of being able to love unconditionally, behavior of addiction, depression, anger, neuroticism etc., it is in these area’s my work can help you. By only identifying and fighting the symptom, we miss out on the bigger picture that contains much Hidden Truths. Heal your heart, you heal your life. Change your thinking you change your future!
Often a few sessions are sufficient to make a change.

As Einstein said: Everything IS Energy!

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Only you are responsible for:

YOUR own happiness! Many know this statement, and yes, they agree. However: if I ask the next question: and how do you DO that? A big silence follows…
It is here where the model of Crystal Clear Communication ( Non-violent) is a great to tool to use. No, we will never find someone who will make us happy 24/7. Would be nice, right… So, we need to own everything. If we get crazy because our kids are fighting, it s not because they are doing difficult: no, it s because our needs of harmony and peace at home or in the CAR are not met. As much as we despite it, people, also kids, have the right to be authentic, and sometimes that includes having a ad mood or temper. Giving ourselves compassion, and them to, can help a lot. You can act violently by threatening , punishing or whatever, well, if they get scared enough, a change might occur. However, the CAUSE is unaddressed. People seem to be the happiest birds, if they feel understood. By themselves, and then by others. Following rules keeps order, but blocks connection from heart to heart.

Heartbased Solutions, LLC Carlavanwalsum.com

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Balance…Do we need it?

Think about it, everything is built up on the concept of ‘balancing’.You don’t like arrogant, snobby people? Well, the other end of the stick is insecurity…Deep down the ‘arrogants’ are missing out on a profound being at peace with them selves or with life. So, there is no balance… In the middle of the stick you’ll find self-confidence and contentedness with self and the world.  Arrogance and insecurity are absence.
A client in one of my couple counseling sessions lately, told me he felt insecure about many things and his wife told him often, while loving him much and very awakened on top of that, what was wrong about him, how childish he was and lacking perseverance. The poor guy could do 2 things ; to become angry and letting his frustration out, than people would say; ‘Ohhh, he has anger issues, ‘ or turning it to himself and becoming self destructive. Cutting. Alcoholism. Feelings of depression. He blamed himself for the dominant behavior of his wife, such a strong vibrant person. Well, again balance is at stake. She is strong and attacking and believing SHE was right…, he smaller and defending himself…One of the best way to quit with those dynamics is learning the Crystal Clear Communication model (NVC). Only observation, clear!, no hidden judgments, attacks, analysis, comparison and so on. Judgment kills the love. We are responsible for our own happiness. many know that one. But HOW do you do that? By not putting ourselves up as BETTER then our partner. By focusing on our needs , respecting those and the needs from the other as well! Sacrificing yourself for the other and then later to blame that one that you couldn’t do what you choose to, is not doing any good.either. It is totally appropriate to honor you own feelings and needs. Which is something else then to become selfish or self centered…Inner peace, heart-fulness? is a natural state as a result of balance… A wonderful tool to discover hidden truths in relationships and you name it is Family Constellation work. www.lifeshiddentruths.com  carlavanwalsum.com

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