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Posts tagged ‘Family Constellations’

The Emperor’s New Drugs:

There are many ways to raise your vibration including: thinking positive and uplifting thoughts. What about antidepressants?

As a child did you listen to, or read, the story about the Emperor’s New Clothes? Fascinating, wasn’t it? Well, I found a courageous book entitled: The Emperor’s New Drugs, exploding the Antidepressant Myth.
Many of you know and believe in the power of the mind and positive thinking. Also, many of you know  that depressions can be part of Epigenetics, “inherited family traumas” as is so frequently evidenced in the systemic family constellation work.

Click on title to read entire post.In one session the depression can be released, often forever. That means that conscious -and subconscious levels entangle and intertwine. You can try to be positive till you become blue in the face yet still carry, deep down inside, a sense of depressive feelings.

Here’s what Irving Kirsch, PhD-psychologist, who for years had been referring his patients to psychiatrists for drugs, antidepressants,  wrote in his above mentioned book:

“The conventional view of depression is that it is caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain. The basis for that idea was the belief that antidepressant drugs were effective treatments. Our analyses showing that most – if not all – of the effects of these medications are really placebo effects challenges this widespread view of depression. In chapter 4 I examine the chemical-imbalance theory. You may be surprised that it is actually a rather controversial theory and that there is not much scientific evidence to support it”.
Globally sold prescribed antidepressants make it a $19-billion-a-year-industry.


Wow. The emperor really has nice new clothes!
Back to feeling depressed. Depressing thoughts create more of the same and attract the same vibrations. Everything in the universe is made of energy. What differentiates one form of energy from another is the speed at which it vibrates.

High vibrations equal positive energy and low vibrations equal negative energy. We human beings vibrate at different frequencies. Our thoughts and feelings can determine the frequency, at which we vibrate, and our vibration goes out into the world and so we can cause a positive shift in our lives by raising our vibrations.
By doing so, yes we need to clear and heal, our steps in personal growth. It is up to you!

A very interesting scientific conclusion is  that your  heart has an electro-magnetic field that extends 8 – 12 feet from your body in all directions, above, below, in front of you and to your sides. So, rather have  your heart filled with love than with anger!

Hidden loyalties and procastination

Everyone has hidden loyalties. This is such an important topic! I will share a little bit, and explain much more, in the upcoming workshop and video that will be posted on FB and YouTube.
We all have loyalties to our belief-systems, family members, siblings, ethnicities, nations, grandparents, to the suffering of our ancestors, or to groups of people we may be unaware of.
Loyalty, in and of itself, is an extremely important trait in relationships, but as family constellations reveals, it is often connected to self-sabotage. It starts with our loyalty to the ones who gave us life.
Today, so many women  live their passion and follow their dreams by creating their own businesses and offering wonderful services. They often live totally different lives then their mothers did. They have  more freedom of choices in many areas of life.
However, many times they are not where they would like to be financially .
They remain stuck in fear thinking such as ‘not-making/having-enough-money’, despite practicing all kinds of Law of Attraction and Client Attraction programs. Those programs ONLY work (really well) if the underlying belief systems and stored generational experiences are also cleared up.

Constellation work shows over and over again, how hidden loyalties are the cause of limitations in specific areas of life.
It may be difficult to be happier in your marriage, when your mother was not happy, or did not have a husband.  To be wealthier and more successful than your father ever was can become an obstacle for the son or daughter, of course the sabotage is predominantly subconscious.

The loyalty to belong, the desire to be unconditionally loved, as well as many more reasons, can block us in one or more areas. Let’s be clear: today it is a very popular to  talk about “clearing blocks”. But first you have to know WHERE those blocks are coming from, and WHY they exist.
Peel off the layers of our systems, like peeling an onion.
Want to know more?
Do you want to get clarity WHY things are the way they show up in your life, or your child’s, or partner’s life?

COME TO A WORKSHOP OR  BOOK A  15 MINUTE FREE SESSION: http://carlavanwalsum.com/services1/

 

 

 I have never met you…When the presence of absence is felt. A Holocaust Constellation

I have never met you…When the presence of absence is felt. A Family Constellation/Holocaust

When because of war or other disasters many family members are killed or perished, the family members who survived, even though they might have never met the others, can often feel the absence of their presence. Family Constellations show that, unexpectedly, identification can occur with one or more dead family members. We all are part of a so-called ‘Family-Soul’; a sort of collective consciousness, an intelligence that encompasses the evolution and nature of the family over several generations. A different way of saying is that clinical psychology science shows that traumas can reverberate through approximately 7 generations.

Those who belong to the Family Soul are the children, parents and their siblings, (great) grandparents, and anyone who has been excluded from the family system ( i.e. excluded, rejected members who were called ’bad’, former spouses, stillborn and aborted children).When we bring them back into the system by acknowledging and honoring them, we see that Constellations are a very effective way to restore harmony in the family. Members who didn’t talk to each other for years, suddenly call  a few days after a constellation.

Even brief constellations, can provide clarity in a wide  variety of issue, often within  a few minutes.. 

She looks at me, a bit insecure. “I don’t know if this makes sense to you” “Well, try!” I say. Sivan sighs deeply and begins to talk..”I have kind of feeling that all the people in my family who died in the Holocaust have an influence on how I am. I feel often depressed, and I don’t know why.  My mother’s sister was killed in the Holocaust along with 5 children, and another sister died in an accident  when she was a young child. My grandparents too, my three uncles and their families. I am named after my grandmother who perished too. She was very loved and appreciated by my family. I actually would like to look closer into that side of my family.”

When we start to constellate a family, we usually begin with the family of origin, the parents of the tree twiiterclient, grandparents, siblings. We choose people from the audience, who don’t have any information about the client, and are required to be “put their mind on blank”   as they will represent family members in the Constellation.  How it works? You must experience it to understand, if you are not a biologist. This work has access to the nigger picture of our subconscious. It is phenomenal to see that doors are opening to a hidden dimension of inner images and unknown information, often offering the key to resolution and relief.  Over and over again Constellations consistently reveal profound and lasting material benefiting for the participants and loved ones. Surprisingly, the healing processes and the results shown are far-reaching in the family.

“Choose representatives for you, your grandmother, the aunt with five children, and the aunt who died in an accident and your grandmother.” Sivan puts the aunt with her children very close together. They all look down, which means in a constellation that they look at dead people or a grave. When the grandmother is set up in front of her daughter, she becomes very unstable, her body convulses as if she is crying silently. “ Go to your daughter and all of your grandchildren and touch them, one by one. You too, Sivan, do the same.”

They all embrace each other in silence. ”Now take your granddaughter by the hand and bow to your relatives, both of you, in front of all of them, with one bow.”

Grandmother hesitates. “One deep bow. You take the lead .” (to grandmother). Grandmother and Sivan bow deeply and slowly. “Now look at them, and tell them: “I am one of you”. Sivan is doing that.

“Look at them… Now straighten up, look at them very clearly, and say: “I’ll carry on.” “I am so sorry for what happened to you. I carry on in honor of your name and spirit.”

Sivan closes her eyes and breathes deeply. “Sivan…please … Look them in the eyes and say: “I’ll carry on”. Sivan, deeply moved: ”I’ll continue to live.” ”I’ll carry on in memory of you.” Sivan looks down and shakes her head. ”Tell them, look at them: “I’ll carry on.” Sivan shakes her head, “No, I cannot…”

Then I ask  the aunt  to say to Sivan:  “It is enough that we are dead. You are alive…Honor your live…”

The aunt smiles spontaneously. “It is enough that we are dead.” Sivan covers her face, smiles and tears are flowing. “Now, say it again; I’ll carry on” “I’ll carry on in remembrance of you, it’s enough that you are dead. I’ll make my life ” “Look at your grandmother and say: I’ll carry on’.

Sivan is speaking those words very softly. I ask the grandmother: “Do you want to tell her something?

Grandmother whispers: “No”. To Sivan: “Now stand with your back leaning against your aunt and look forward.”

“Do you have children?” Sivan nods, smiles. “How many do you have?” “Five.” 

”Now look at them, and tell them; ”I have five children.”

She is doing that. The children of the aunt smile. “Now turn around again, I’ll put five representatives for your children, and I’ll place them opposite of you.”

“Sivan, tell your children: ”We’ll carry on with life”. Sivan, covers her eyes, laughing and crying at once… ”Now, go to your children”…

I asked the audience if they can see how the dead are changed after this, how different the energy feels in the room. “That is very important. The dead participate in the lives of the living, but only when they are seen, honored or remembered.”

“May I leave it here?” Sivan nods and smiles…  Conclusion: usually after  a session like this the client notices a shift and relief. Feelings of depression and attachment to the trauma seem to change dramatically for the better.

 

Copyright © 2009 All rights reserved

The Adoption Triad: Soul Searching, People Searching

The Adoption Triad: Hidden Truths Behind the Happy Ending           

The word adoption conjures joyful images of a new baby, dreams fulfilled and promises of a better life for baby. There are more than 1.5 million adoptees in the United States; adoption touches one in fifteen of us.  What few have had the courage to talk about until recently is that behind many “happy endings,” there are painful realities and souls in need of healing.

As the recent TV special “Dan Rather Reports: Adopted or Abducted?” explored, the adoption story rarely quite as simple or straightforward as it may first appear. The act of surrendering a baby is so primal that it brings up complex emotions for each member of the triad—birth parents, adoptive parents and adoptees. There has traditionally been a veil of secrecy surrounding adoption; this is particularly true of adoptions that took place in the 50s, 60s and 70s. The circumstances and emotions around the conception, birth and surrender of the baby are often denied, buried or simply not discussed. If left unhealed, feelings of grief, unworthiness and longing can become part of the individual and tribal/family soul DNA, lasting a lifetime and even affecting future generations.

The birth mother may receive praise and feel deeply gratified for committing the ultimate loving, selfless act for her baby. At the same time, she may feel a mixture of fear, desperation, guilt, judgment, shame, and even coercion.  On an emotional level, a woman is told, and often comes to believe, that she is undeserving of her child because she is unmarried, economically unstable or simply because the natural father walks away. Not an easy burden for a young woman to carry.

For the adoptive parent, there is elation and gratitude upon receiving a much-anticipated bundle of joy. However, the adoption often comes after suffering grief, self-doubt and pain if they were not able to have their own biological child.  They may be reluctant to admit that they have doubts about how their family will accept and bond with the child or if he may have psychological or medical issues. They often have harsh judgments about the birth mother, which are inevitably felt by the child.

Even when adoptees have had a happy and loving childhood, most have lingering questions about their heritage and the circumstance surrounding their birth. At the soul level, it is a very difficult thing to feel like one has been “given away,” no matter the circumstances. Adoptees often develop a deep-seated fear of abandonment, a numbing of emotions or an inability to fully accept love in their relationships.

Truly making peace with adoption
and its influence in ones life may involve Soul Searching, People Searching or both.

 

 

People Searching: There are many heartwarming reunion stories about a birth mom and child finding each other, sharing an immediate recognition and bond, and developing a lifelong loving relationship. Many other searches are fraught with frustration, brick walls, repeated rejection or finding out some not-so-nice details about the birth mother’s life situation. The decision to search must be made with eyes and heart open, willingness to accept that it may be an emotional roller coaster and acceptance for a variety of possible outcomes. Many people find searching necessary to their healing; others choose to focus attention inwardly.

Research shows that the vast majority of birth mothers do want to be found and that nearly all adoptees who search are glad they did. This is true even if what they find is less than ideal, or if the birth family does not wish to pursue a personal relationship with the adoptee. In many cases, the pain is too deep for an adoptee and birth mother to bond, but meaningful connections are made with extended family members. In my opinion, it is almost always better to find answers; I believe that it is  every adoptee’s birthright to have access to this information.

Soul Searching: So what is the best way to heal the emotional wounds surrounding adoption? In my fifteen-plus years as a mental health professional specializing in the adoption triad, I have seen incredible healing and growth for all members of the adoption triad, through a variety of techniques. Some of the most powerful healing results come from applying Epigenetics and Systemic Family Constellation.

Systemic Family Constellation is hugely popular in Europe and is becoming increasingly well known in the U.S. I had the honor of studying this work directly under its founder, Dr. Bert Hellinger. I am both a seasoned facilitator and a personal fan of this work.  In hundreds of cases, I have seen fascinating results in detecting energetic connections and discovering hidden loyalties and trauma within a family soul group. This work taps into the larger family soul energy, supporting its innate ability to clear blockages, balance energy and very quickly bring about quantum healing and joy in my clients’ lives.

Learn more at www.lifeshiddentruths.com/services or attending the upcoming workshop “Adoption: Soul Searching and People Searching” on June 9th.

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